


I Guess This Is Goodbye

by feveredpitch



Category: Shameless (US)
Genre: M/M, Major character death - Freeform, general angst and sadness, mentions of dealing with depression and stuff like that idk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-25
Updated: 2015-08-25
Packaged: 2018-04-17 03:21:27
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,266
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4650333
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/feveredpitch/pseuds/feveredpitch
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It was an ordinary Tuesday, the day Ian’s world fell apart.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Guess This Is Goodbye

It was an ordinary Tuesday, the day Ian got the news.

It started out like most days Ian had spent since he started putting more effort into his recovery. There was no sign that this particular Tuesday was going to be any different.   
  
He got out of bed at 6am when his alarm went off, carefully stretching his limbs that had been aching and cramped all night long while he was curled in his twin bed. He wiped the sleep from his eyes as he walked towards the shower, longing for the feel of the hot water to help wake him up and soothe his tired limbs.  
  
He turned the water as hot as he could stand it for the full five minutes he was in the shower. After he stepped out, he quickly toweled himself off and brushed his teeth before going back to his room to change into his running clothes.  
  
 _Stick to a routine,_  they had told him. It was supposed to be the best thing for anyone in recovery - keep your body and mind in a routine to help keep them sharp. Ian was for anything that could help him that didn’t involve more pills.  
  
Stumbling down the stairs as quietly as he could, he quickly reached into the cabinet for his pills and dry swallowed them before heading out the door. Once he reached the sidewalk, he took a long, hard look to his left at the empty street. He grabbed the fence to stop his body’s automatic reaction to walk towards the now empty Milkovich household. He knew nothing good would come from going by there, but he was a glutton for punishment.  
  
He took a deep breath before turning to the right. He was going to have to face his ghosts one day, but today wasn’t it.  
  
Ian’s feet carried him away and his thoughts turned to his ex-boyfriend. He knew Mickey was in prison awaiting sentencing for attempted murder (which was a bullshit charge, in his opinion). He couldn’t even count the amount of times he had sat down and written Mickey a letter apologizing to him for everything. For lying, for cheating. For not being the man Mickey wanted or needed him to be.  
  
For never telling Mickey he loved him.  
  
He had gotten about a mile away from the Gallagher house before he decided to turn and head back. His heart was starting to ache worse than his knees and he needed at least three cups of coffee before his shift today if he wanted to survive.  
  
The air felt different as he approached his home. He walked up the stairs and gingerly opened their front door, softly closing it behind him as he inched into the living room. There were hushed whispers coming from the kitchen and he wasn’t sure why his stomach clenched and a strong feeling of dread filled his entire body.  
  
It was an ordinary Tuesday, the day Ian’s world fell apart.  
  
He walked slowly towards the kitchen where he could see Lip and Fiona close together talking in hushed tones. The floor creaked once he got closer and his brother and sister jumped in surprise when they heard him.  
  
“Jesus, Ian, you shouldn’t go sneaking up on people like that!”  
  
“Didn’t know you could sneak up on someone who wasn’t supposed to be here.”  
  
Ian knew it was bad. Lip should have been in class and wouldn’t have missed it unless someone was in the hospital or dead. He walked over to the coffee pot and poured himself a cup, leaning back on the counter.  
  
“So what’s going on guys?”  
  
Fiona and Lip exchanged worrisome glances and Fiona got up to go stand next to Ian, rubbing his arm in what was supposed to be a comforting manner.  
  
Lip looked at Fiona and Ian saw her nod her head slightly before he started talking.  
  
“Look, there’s no easy way to say this so I’m not gonna beat around the bush---”  
  
“First time for everything,” Ian muttered into his cup, earning a side glance from Fiona. Lip just took a breath before continuing.  
  
“Mandy called me last night. She said the number she had for you was disconnected and this was the only way she could let you know.” As soon as Mandy’s name was mentioned, Ian set his coffee cup down on the counter and grabbed onto the edge. He felt his knees go weak, and he was willing Lip not to say the words he knew was coming.  
  
“It’s Mickey. He, uh, got into a dispute right before lights out last night. The guards aren’t really sure what happened. Someone had hidden a shiv in their bunk and had apparently had enough of Mickey’s mouth and stabbed him.”  
  
Ian was gripping the counter so hard, his knuckles were white and he knew that was the only thing keeping him grounded at that time.  
  
“He’s…”

Lip couldn’t bring himself to say the word.  
  
“Dead, Ian,” Lip took a couple steps towards his baby brother, knowing what was about to happen and wanting to comfort him however he could. “Mickey’s dead.”  
  
Ian didn’t feel himself sink to the floor. He didn’t feel anything at all. His entire body was numb and his brain was filled with noise. He wasn’t sure how long he sat there before he blinked and looked up, realizing Lip and Fiona were hovering over him, concern filling both of their eyes.  
  
He closed his eyes again and started to take deep breaths.  
  
 _In. Out. In. Out._  
  
He was gone, just like that. Ian opened his eyes once more and willed the tears that were filling his eyes not to fall because he knew once he started he wasn’t going to be able to stop. He sat there on the cold kitchen floor, flanked by his brother and sister, and thought about how many mistakes he had made. How there were so many things he could have done differently and Mickey would still be alive.   
  
Would still be with him.  
  
 _I never got the chance…_  
  
“Never got the chance to what?”   
  
Ian hadn’t realized he had spoken out loud. He looked up at his brother to see Lip’s face filled with concern, like he was afraid his little brother was going to crumble at any moment.  
  
“I never got, I never got…” Ian’s voice was breaking with every word he tried to get out. He knew it wasn’t going to be much longer before the levy was going to break. Fiona shuffled closer to him and wrapped her arms around Ian.   
  
He couldn’t take it anymore and started crying harder than he had since he was a child. He hugged his sister as tight as he could and hid his face in the crook of her neck while his body shook from his sobs. Fiona did was she could to soothe him, rubbing his back and stroking his hair, but nothing was calming him down; he just kept saying the same five words over and over.  
  
I never got the chance. I never got the chance.  
  
After close to twenty minutes, Ian’s sobs lessened. It took longer for his breathing to get back to normal. Fiona lifted his head up to help wipe his tear stained cheeks. After he calmed down a bit more, she asked him one last time.  
  
“What did you never get the chance to do, Ian?”  
  
He took a deep breath and wiped his face one last time before looking at his big sister.  
  
“I never got the chance to tell him it wasn’t over.”


End file.
